About Me

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LDN, United Kingdom
I am Shaz. It's hard work. But someone's gotta do it. I am a part time freak and full time retard. I also do some casual work as a skank and I volunteer as your mother. NICE TO MEET YOU! Welcome to the biggest rant factory in the history of the internet. I've got more apathy than the entire emo population of the world combined. Only kidding. I'm real nice

Friday, 19 August 2011

I'll be a princess someday.

It seems to me everyone else has a family to support them no matter
what their dreams and aspirations may be. My family like to throw dirt
in my face and then tell me it my own fault.

To put it simply it's the projection of their own petty insecurities.

But it's just horrible. Right now all I want is to finish my degree,
get into employment and then start working towards my main goal. To
own my own house.

In the last few weeks I've had so much shit from those closest to me.
And I don't wanna even try to justify their actions. 'Cause there is
no justification. My brother telling me I'm a failure cause I dropped
out of my previous course?

Seemingly EVERYONE telling me I won't be able to buy my own place.

And then blaming it on my excessive spending.

I did have a problem. I admit that. But I've learnt from my mistakes.

And there's only one thing that makes me slip up again in that sense
anyway. It's how I look. As vain as I sound it's the truth. How is it
my friends can tell me I look beautiful, stunning and so on when my
own family seem hell bent on reminding me I'm fat and dress like a
tart. Being paranoid that people are laughing at you behind your back
look at the fat girl with the messy bush of hair and too much make up
on - that's not pretty.

Still told I'm a failure. Still not taken seriously. Belittled at
every oppurunity. I just feel like a joke and I think I'm slowly but
surely becoming one. God some days I feel so so so shit, I stop caring
about anything.

When I was little I used to tell the teachers at school that I am
Cinderella. It's sad that 18 years later I still feel this way.

The only thing you can be glad for at times like these are the arms of
someone who loves you. I'm a lucky girl in an unfortunate situation.
Fortuately, nothing is forever.