"LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME!"

It's seems to be that many women are disillusioned about their bodies. Most of the time its sad. You know when someone who's not actually got the biggest nose you've ever seen.

BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HILARIOUS.

No. You do not have an amazing bum. It's nice but it's not the best thing since sliced bread (Atkins dieters bring your own colloquialism)

Same goes for boobs, eyes, legs and well pretty much any other body part.

You telling the entire world that whichever of the above statements you picked from the above - and I mean I this is the nicest way but GOD HELP YOU if you picked more than one - will not
a) make it true
b) make anyone take notice.

The latter point being the one that gets to me the most. When these girls - and you know what guys do it too - go on and on about this one thing that apparently is the only attribute the posses (anyone else imagining a floating pair of boobs with eyes and the cleavage as a nose?) and people start to ignore them, more often than not the seem to be compelled to push their campaign even harder. What some call A VICIOUS CYCLE.

Be beautiful.

I miss make up. I've stopped wearing anything - apart from lipstick- for the last two weeks and it's still driving me nuts. Why?

On the one hand I feel happy that I'm not in constant fear of looking like a transvestite or typical East London scum. I like not having to worry about cleaning it all off before I fall asleep - HAHA YEAH CAUSE I USED TO DO THAT... I like not getting judged on the train because of course that was indeed my prime location for application.

But despite being told I don't need the make up, I don't need the "gunk" and that I'm "beautiful" I don't feel it. I don't feel pretty without it. I feel insecure about my skin.

Is this because I've been more and more dependant on make up, predominantly foundation, for the past few years?

It's pay day and all I'm thinking is I want to shop for make up. Should I? Shouldn't I. This is driving me mad. And the worst thing is it's such a lame thing to get wound up over!

Okay now I think I'm some kinda spazz cause I can't even differentiate the pics of myself wearing make up and not wearing make up. Decide for yourselves. My conclusion. I'm a paranoid poo poo head.

Why are we all such WUSSES?!

I have just seen someone I went to uni with in Portsmouth. She told me how she's still traumatised by the events of one night out which was not particularly pleasant. But I don't understand. She wasn't the one who was getting verbally abused. She wasn't the one who had to deal with all the childish shit like prank calls - which said lady let slip she was fully aware of whilst ranting away. But I simply cannot fathom why this same person is claiming to be traumatised by these events. I was more effected yet she's the one who seems to be wallowing in it. I just wish people would let things go. Move on get on with it. Seeing people like that just drives me crazy. Don't get me wrong. Have a little bitch - 5, 10 minutes. Maybe half an hour depending on the number of participants and whether or not food and drink are involved. But that's it. It's out of your system and gone.

People shouldn't hold on to shit. Unless they're a toilet.

Size 18 cream lace shirt. Smaller than an 18 though. I'd say maybe more a 16?

Size 16. Mini skirt.

Size 16 shirt dress

Size 18.

Size 18. Prom dress.

£15

Size 18. Prom dress.

Size 12. Midi skirt.

Size 14. Mini skirt.

The next few posts are me trying to get rid of some of the clothes that are nice and could go to charity but they're nice so people can still make the most of them. But yeah. Holla.

Size 14. Knee length skirt. £5

BELLY'S GONE AND GOT ME.

What on earth is this? This girl isn't thick as in curvy but THICK as in STUPID. Where do they find these people? Why do people keep breeding to make these people? This girl is the epitome of TURD. And seriously she is so so SO stupid. "I have like arms and legs and yeaaaaah...." And my god you must have all the guys just falling at your feet right? So much so that you can make a bitchy video all about something she saw on Facebook. To be fair though you could say I'm doing the same about a Youtube video. But I'm not being a vicious little insecurity-projecting attention whore. Big girls get so much stick. I am speaking from experience. I mean I 've always been a bigger girl. I wasn't always as big as I am now. But still always lead to believe I am a fatty. Sometimes I truly believe I am. This is me at the age of 17ish and as it has gone on...

Back then I was a size 12, but even then I was getting stick, from aunties mainly but I have grown to understand that nothing on God's earth will ever appese these women.

This is me now. This pic made me cringe so much it's the kick start I needed to lose weight. It may not look awful but a tiny part of me wants to die when I look at it. Let's hope it's the fat bitch in me. Let's hope she dies.

What am I meant to do? When you have a problem with someone you tell them. Don't keep telling them. That's just nagging. But one thing that must be realise is that the repercussions of your admissions of complaint come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and may take on the form of those whom you least expect. You telling someone that you think they're wrong is the first problem. You're automatically a bit of a bitch. Because you've said it. You may not have said it behind their back. You may not have said it in a horrible way. You just automatically become the bitch. Even worse is when everyone else suddenly thinks the same. I mean what do you then? You are the enemy. What have you even done? You've done the one thing no one else would. I can't lie. When you lose a friend it's sad. When you lose a whole load in one go it really hurts. But what can I say? It doesn't kill you. Then there's trying to patch it up with a friend who isn't talking to you but is. Because you're not talking properly. I mean now you're just an idiot. You can ask if anythings up. And you'll get the standard answer... "No! Everything's fine!" and then still the awkwardness persists. But what can you do? If you keep asking you're just a tool. And if you don't well you just have to either deal with the fact that this person is no longer someone who wants to talk to you or just play along with the pretence. It's your preference. Not really. But let's pretend it is. Then there's the never ending bitch. This girl. I don't get it. I took everyone's advice. Be civil. Don't give her any ammunition. Just steer clear of her. So I did all of the above... And yet it was still the same situation one year on. Why? God knows. But over all of this I think to myself... "It was International Women's Day the other day... Why is it that women seem to be the biggest problem to women". So... if you're a lady and you're reading this.. be nice to your sisters. It's a bitch of a world out there. Do what you can to make it less so...

Sometimes....

I wish I was a fucking mute. I hate hate HATE when people tell me I talk too much. It's so belittling. I can't stand it. It makes me want to die. It's so embarrassing. I hate myself more and more everytime it happens. I fucking hate having to see friends and family. Most of the time it's not even meeting the family that's the problem. I can't fucking stand MY family always making these comments. The more it happens the more I wish I was some kind of social recluse. I can't help how I am. I enjoy meeting new people. I do. Anyone who knows me can tell you this much. I can be perfectly charming and I don't have a problem with arguing my point. But none of this lot do that. No one wants to do anything. No one wants to ask the questions that probably should be asked. No one wants to ask for the help. No one. But when I do it they'll be the first to criticize or to tell me to shut up. People who think they're so different from their parent's stubborn ways soon realise they are quite simply no different. Well the entire world can fuck off. I'm sick of it. I'm not taking part in these antics anymore. I am sick of being made a joke. I am funny. Laugh with me not at me.