Musings Of The Saalene: April 2012

Thursday 19 April 2012

So...

I've got a theory about racist / ignorant / spazzy chicks in America doing vlogs, twitter pages, blogs etc about crap. Your idiocy is directly proportional to how fucked up your eyebrows are. BITCH.

So today is my first day on Smoke radio. I am very nervous and very excited. So excited that I've turned up an hour early. Doooooooi. What a pleb! Anyway. I'm really worried that I'll say a naughty word on the air so I've been training myself to not swear in the hours before. I remember once when I was presenting a show for this Malayalee event, yes for those of you who didn't know I am from Kerela - also known as God's own country, and I was told that if I were to swear on stage I would pay for it in blood. So I'm there. Bright lights. In front of hundreds of people. Well maybe not hundreds but still a LOT of people and what do I do? I make a mistake. And I'm thinking "OH CRAAAAAAAAAAP" but I can't say it. I'll get shot. So what comes out of my mouth... "OOPSIE" THIS PHRASE THEN HAUNTED ME FOR MONTHS. Seriously. Well at least I didn't swear.

Tuesday 17 April 2012

Avoiding CRAAAAAAAAAAZY bitches. Lesson 1.

If she has a catchphrase don't trust her. Unless it's genuine or genuinely funny. Examples are as follow.

"Don't judge me"
Bitch please you're the one who's more likely to go around judging people.

"Oh you're wearing so much make up, I don't wear make up I don't need any. I'm au naturel."

So much so that you don't shave your legs or straighten / curl / colour / intricately weave, put up or do anything with your hair, shape them caterpillars above your eyes and so on. Oh wait you do? THEN WHY HATE ON SOMEONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR APPEARANCE? I mean it's not like I don't disagree with some aspects of personal hygiene or presentation as you may well know but you won't catch me putting someone down to make myself feel better.
(The above statement goes with the exception of the following: someone I have witnessed doing the above, someone I've had a previous grievance with, someone who has "brought it" so to say regarding my own looks)

"I only have GUY mates"
Emphasis on the "GUY" part by the way cause they REALLY wanna drive that point home. These are the spastic girls who are so adamant that they are one of the "guys" that they simply cannot fathom the idea of having friends who have ovaries. Truth is they aren't one of the guys at all. Trust me I know. I have two brothers. Three male cousins. And a few close male friends. Boys are a different species as much as I think I understand male human beings I don't because it's impossible to. And there is no way on Earth these crazy hoes can spend ALL their time with guys. I've done it before. They do your head in after a while. And are for the most part so vulgar that it rubs off on you and you end up talking the same shit they would.

Besides those who claim to are usually covering for the following

a) they are such bitches women no longer want to associate with them

b) they like to think all of their guy mates are "in love" with them, and to further this they'll be a doormat
/ shamelessly shameful flirt / whooooooooooore.

"I'm doing me"
Masturbating were you?
This and any other Drake lyrics for that matter especially that YOLO bullshite.

"People just don't get me"
Too fucking right. You are most likely the most erractic kind of spastic they find on the planet.

"I'm in love ... I kissed his best friend ... I don't want a boyfriend ...

That guys looking at me ... I'll be back in 5 mins I'm just gonna throw myself at him and see what happens ...

LOOK AT ME I'M SUCH A PIMP ...

Why does everyone think I'm a whore ... I think I have an STD ... I think I'm pregnant ... I'm gonna cry for about a week now.

... Do you think that guy over there's single? He's totally into me. He LOOKED at me ...

He said "Sorry" when I knocked over all his stuff ...

He wants me to be his wifey. Right? Totally ...

I wanna marry him.

WHY WON'T HE TALK TO ME?!

I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING HIS TWEETS, COMMENTING ON ALL HIS PICTURES ON FACEBOOK, WAITING FOR HIM WHEN HE FINISHES WORK / UNI / GYM / PEEING. WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME?"

HOW THE FUCK IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO "UNDERSTAND" YOU YOU CRAZY BITCH.

" I'm happy single"

Say it once if you please say it at least once a week and we'll have problems. You going on and on about how happy you are being SINGLE, ALONE, DOING MY OWN THING and so on makes me think you're about to snap and sink to new levels of desperation that have yet to be witnessed by mankind.

I've gotta stop now. I feel bad for doing this instead of essaying. Hahaha.

I don't care what you say...

Just cause you've got a boyfriend doesn't mean you can neglect your friends. I get that we won't see wach other AS MUCH but seriously he's your boyfriend not your conjoined twin. I flipping hate this about girls. What the hell is wrong with you women? Are you so insecure that you have to spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH HIM? When your friends need you you're not there and I don't care how horrible this makes me I HOPE karma gets you.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Seriously though all my life these bitches have been fucking me over. I'm sick of it. If you're needy I don't need you. Fucking bitches. ARGH. This shit drives me maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. And you're all shit actresses too. Arguing with him on the phone with a big smile on your face? Drama queen. Bitching about him and his friends and then being overly nice to them in person? Fake bitch. And most of all dumping your would-be problems, made up shit and awful lies on those around you? STUPID HOE. Follow the fake love hearts to your deciever. They all seem to congrgate and decieve each other.

"He looked at me. He obviously likes me. He's totally in love with me" "Why is he talking to HER? It's like he's cheating on me. I hate that girl now, I don't know her but I'm gonna tell everyone she's a whore" "Why do all the guys think she's pretty? I'm gonna tell everyone she's ugly"

THESE CRAZY BITCHES NEED TO BE LOCKED UP. I wanna know what is causing this pandemic of idiocy. Maybe it's something in the water. Or watching too much 90210. Yeah that's the other thing. Comparing your problem to those of a bunch of kids on tv WHO AREN'T REAL doesn't help your case in any way. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.