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LDN, United Kingdom
I am Shaz. It's hard work. But someone's gotta do it. I am a part time freak and full time retard. I also do some casual work as a skank and I volunteer as your mother. NICE TO MEET YOU! Welcome to the biggest rant factory in the history of the internet. I've got more apathy than the entire emo population of the world combined. Only kidding. I'm real nice

Thursday, 25 March 2010


This one's for Naz and Komal.

Jeeze, you'd think I was writing a bloody book or summat, the way I'm putting these dedications to people at the beginning!

But yeah, it's down to you two - and your incessant facebooking - that I'm writing this.

I know that looks like incestual facebooking, 'cause when I read it back I did go... "WHATTHE-" but yeah. What would incestual facebooking be? Being married to your brother?

So yeah this is the first note in a fair while. So I'm just gonna go with it.

Let's begin. My mind will wander. Consider this a warning.

With the above question being about relationship statuses I wanted to know what's the deal with DTR.

"What's DTR?!" I hear you all whisper to each other with that urgency that you only get with "I-don't-know-this-Am-I-the-only-one-who-doesn't-know-what-this-is" syndrome.


Gosh if this bloody site taught chemistry I could've gone somewhere with my life - we'll get to this discussion later.


YEP. It's when you decide with your other half how to let the book of faces and everyone on it know


Please note - this is not to be confused with any other DTR, especially "Destroy The Rednecks", I like Rednecks. I mean what a friendly bunch of people, you can tell by the way the keep furniture on their "porch"... they want you to feel at home even before you step through the front door! Now THAT'S what I call thoughtful.

Anyways. I see this in a magazine and sit confused by it for lets say 2 and a half minutes. I try to laugh it off proclaiming loudly "Who cares about relationship statuses on facebook?". We all laugh. Then suddenly all chortles and chuckles come crashing down, as we all stop and realise than in fact at some point be it a week ago or a year ago there has been a drama involving a relationship status.

And this is when I realised that in some circumstances is can be a very delicate subject. Which of course is ripped to shreds by what is your cyber-neighbours. See what I did there. Think of Facebook and other networking sites as the set of Eastenders. Everyone gets their chance to air their dirty laundry in the form of a storyline status - you know the whole "BlahBlahBlah Spakleface dnt nd bitches n hoes lyk u in ma lyf. Get me. KMT. Fuckin hoooess. I LOVE MY BABBIII"

Dear God, should I ever hit a low as demonstrated by the above atrocity that is and will again be someone's status you have my permission to SLAP ME WITH A KIPPER.

But yeah. Let's get back to the point. Have you or have you not ever found yourself going "OH MY GOD WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?" about someone's relationship status.

Be it the couple at work, school, college or uni who you thought would NEVER split.
And also with that the whole "WHODUNNIT?!"
Who pulled the trigger. Or clicked the button. Or who didn't. Because I know one couple where both even after splitting refused to change the status of their relationship, therefore rendering it a relationSHIT. Idiot people.

Or the two most random people - that you may love or hate or even worse a COMBINATION of the two - coming together. Just to clarify a combination IS worse, because your friend will get pissy when you take the piss out of their piss-take of a choice for a lover. SI?

Then there's the many many MANY misunderstandings when it comes to this thing that is a relationship status.

I myself have been the victim of such a misunderstanding.

True story! - I love saying that. A family friend mistook this...

... as me coming out.

I'll pause for you all to get your giggles out. But it was actually quite nice because said family friend was really nice about it. So she goes up to my uncle at the station and gives it, "Oh I'm so happy for Saalene for coming out." And I won't quote because I wasn't there but it was along the lines of "It must be so hard to be accepted into the asian community with this kind of situation" yahdah yahdah yaaa.

Who cares if I'm not a lesbian. I'm just happy that I've got some support should I ever choose to be. Now tell me how many young asian people in East London have that privilege?!

And to add to the whole DTR shizz - which I think is complete bollocks about a serious issue, the bollocks being the need to define the relationship the serious issue that is the relationship status, my cousin told me about this. I just had to put it up.

Yeah okay Cheryl. Your mans a fool. Put on your sunglasses back on and find your pride and wear it like a pair of fabulous Jimmy Choos.

In fact. Lets do this like one of the many glossy mags SHOULD have told her to do - like they tell all the other women to do right?.

+ listening to

because god only knows this track is the one that will guarantee you make on HELL of a plan for revenge - which is healthy. the girls too nice. let her be a bit of a bitch for a while.. I'm sure she's picked SOMETHING up from Mr Cowell.

+ eating a whole load of

and I mean a lot. because I see ribs. and they're not on my plate.


To be honest a whole load of bitchiness wouldn't go a miss either because anyone who thinks THOSE UNDERPANTS are sexy needs to seek counselling.


After reading over some of my last posts I've come to realise that there's one thing that ALWAYS comes up.


Why oh why am I so obsessed with the stuff?

I had an argument with my mother yesterday. A regular occurrence for those of you who are regular readers of this. But I'm telling you I take emotional eating to another level.

I started the evening making myself a jacket potato with lots of nice good-for-you veg.
Then the argument started.
And ended.
But it didn't, because I decided I didn't want to eat. Then I wanted to eat everything. Then I wanted half of everything.

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