KOMAL YOU BLIND SHIT THE POST IS RIGHT HERE MAN!

Why on earth is there so much drama at this time of year?! It doesn’t even make any sense. We all know there are times of the year when drama simply can’t be avoided. But now? Easter? Why can’t you all just eat chocolate, hate yourselves for your disgusting eating habits and then eat more chocolate?!

All the drama has made me think about one thing in particular. Pride. Good thing? Bad thing? I don’t know anymore. When is it good and when is it bad? To have pride in one’s work and oneself is good, but when is it that you have to swallow your pride? It confuses me greatly.

I can tell you one thing, drama is something I severely lack in my life. I think I’m some kind of simpleton. To this very day my family all tell me - “You should look after number one.”

In some ways I’m an adamant believer of this. But I think it’s something missing from a lot of people. Arrogance. It’s a beautiful thing. I love arrogant people. I love being arrogant. I know it’s not something you should aspire to be. In my mind arrogant people are only that way because they have reason to be. Self belief is a wonderous joy everyone should experience. So if you’re reading this and thinking today’s been a bit crap or someone’s pissed you off, just say to yourself “I AM AMAZING.” Truth be told I do say it more often than required but that’s because I truly believe I’m some sort of amazing amazingness.

Oh I love love love joining all these fan pages. Some are witty. Some I really do believe in and support. Some I have joined over and over with some teeny tiny difference in the name (one word… FREDDO. Seems I’m not the only one emotionally scarred by the crazy price increase on what some would argue is the staple diet of 68% of school children – someone once told me “There are lies, fucking lies and then there are statistics”).

So let me share a few of my favourite fan pages!

I don't need you to love me, I can love myself.

Why can't more people think like this? Some people are desperate to get into relationships. So much so that they'll go for ANYTHING. And some of the absolute creeps or hoe-bags these nice and otherwise sane people go for. I mean WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? So yeah. People. Love yourself. Have high standards. And please do prepare to be at least a little disappointed. The way I see it, losers procreate with other losers and create these super losers. And well, the rate at which these evil beings are being produced you're bound to bump into one. Or seven. Probably on the district line. Ha ha.

You don't look Bengali... What's a Bengali supposed to look like?!

Okay so I'm not Bengali. But it's the principal. Someone once told me that I don't look like a pharmacist. And I replied "BLUD LISTEN YEAH JUST CUZ I'M NOT GUJI...." No. I didn't. Does that sound like something I'd say? Do NOT answer that. But what the hell is anything meant to look like? Who knows. But I must admit I do this myself sometimes. An example? Tell me, how many dark skinned gujarati people do you know? Like 2?! I'm so sorry to all the Guji Gangstas reading this I know it seems like you're being discriminated against. Don't worry I hate EVERYONE. Not just you guys. Don't go thinking you're special or anything crazy like that!

THE WHOPPER

This is like CRACK to me. I mean it. I swear to you. I want to marry this burger. It satisfies my needs. Makes me happy when I am sad. I crave it. I love it. I enjoy every second I’m with it. (I’M A FAT LOSER WHO NEEDS A REAL LIFE.)

If I could delete you from my life, that would be amazing.

I know this is probably a very childish thing to discuss but I must admit I have thought this more than once. There are some truly horrendous people in the world. And I’m not talking about the axe-wielding serial killers – who are indeed in their own right bad – but I’m talking about everyday criminals. The guys and girls who just ruin your day, week, month and for the really unfortunate (or really really dumb). What is wrong with these people? They are just horrible. And ridiculous. So yeah. Just die. All the irrational, over-dramatic, queue-jumping, attention-seeking, start-an-arguement-for-nothing, steal-your-parking-space kind of people.

Truth hurts... but not as much as getting fingered by Edward Scissorhands.

Nuff said. This is for the bounce back crowd of people. I don’t know if I’m one of them. But I like to thing I can bounce. Maybe not back. But definitely bouncy.
On to other news. Today on the bus I saw the most amazing sleep. This guy must have been on drugs. I was jealous of how sleepy he was. If you don’t know by now, I love sleep. So yeah this was like pure unadulterated sleep. He wasn’t doing the whole let-me-lean-to-one-side-and-“ACCIDENTALLY”-end-up-sleeping-on-your-shoulder thing. He even managed to fall forward, hit his head on the seat in front of him, grunt and then fall asleep again. Okay so maybe he was on drugs... it WAS the 474.
More transport crappiness in my life. Don’t you just love how there are NO TRAINS running on the weekend? Like none at all? Oh. It’s just me? Hmmm. Well I’m waiting for the Piccadilly line because the Victoria line apparently ran away with the milkman when a little old lady comes up to me asking how she can get to Stockwell. I take her to the map and show her how she can get off at Leicester Square and change for the Northern line. What does she say?

“Aaaaah. No.”

I’m in SHOCK. I don’t know what to say. So I try to explain it to her again. And again she just says “Aaaaah. No.” I just gave up.
A better person would have persevered, but I wanted to go home. The best part of that day was the coffee. I know this is lame, but I finally have a coffee “the way I like it”. You know. There’s a specific one that you like. Well I have it now. And it makes my life richer, in my eyes anyway. Thus making my standards of a rich and fulfilled quite low. Ha ha. If anyone’s interested in getting me a coffee, I lovelovelove a large latte with a shot of Amaretto syrup from Cafe Nero. Failing that I’ll happily accept a large latte with a shot gingerbread syrup from Costa. I’ve yet to find a coffee I enjoy from Starbucks. I do love these shots of syrupy sunshine though.

SAALENE. OVER AND OUT. AND PROUD. AHHAHAHAHAA xxx