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LDN, United Kingdom
I am Shaz. It's hard work. But someone's gotta do it. I am a part time freak and full time retard. I also do some casual work as a skank and I volunteer as your mother. NICE TO MEET YOU! Welcome to the biggest rant factory in the history of the internet. I've got more apathy than the entire emo population of the world combined. Only kidding. I'm real nice

Thursday, 1 December 2011


Enjoy peeps! xxx

By the way thanks to all my mass text massive for the mad love and support.

I sound like I'm getting a VMA. Must dash I think that giant foil man running at me is Kanye.

I joke. I love Kanye.


Hello my name is Saalene. Pronounced Sha-La-Knee and spelt wrong – or authentically as he likes to call it – by my father. It is now my burden – with an awkwardly spelt name comes the awkward responsibility of correcting people when they attempt to say it.

I am currently reading English at Westminster University – and I am the kind of person who is saddened that that phrase -“reading” a subject – is not used nearly as much as it should be. Not because I am a hardcore fanatic of such dying phrases. I just like it.

When asked in my first year what my favourite book was, I panicked. I was told by the girl sitting next to me, “Just think of what your favourite book was to read as a child…” followed by a big cheesy grin and also an anecdote about a dead aunt whom she was named after. Well at this point
my mind was alive with
literary classics such as ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’, ‘A
Piece of
Cake’, what seems like a ridiculous amount of ‘Goosebumps’ books, but you can’t mention those at the risk of sounding like a 7 year old. I thought fast – and interesting because on this kinda course you wanna be that person – and I chose to talk about a Shakespeare sonnet. Sonnet 130. He basically disses his woman but says he wouldn’t want her any other way. Some swoon and say “Aw! True love!” not me, I’d chase the currish doghearted codpiece! I like to think a passing ghost from this period is making some sort of noise one would expect to hear from the audience of The Jeremy Kyle – which I love by the way, voyeurism at it’s very best.

I digress – I do this a lot, it should have it’s own medical tests and diagnosis – but let me get back to the point. My actual favourite thing to read as a child was this first aid book at my nan’s house. I was obsessed with it then and would happily read one now. Why I haven’t got a certified first aid
qualification is beyond
me, but I guess I can make my own wish come true now – thanks to the advancements in Microsoft Paint. What is the point to all me dithering on so? Reading is not only about fiction. Reading is something we do all the time. I enjoy words and the different things you can make with them. Much like those awkward culinary moments students have when they look in their cupboards and wonder what tomato soup and Nutella can do together to make dinner. You may wretch, I say eat the Nutella straight out of the jar – it saves on washing up.

If you’re really hungry borrow some bread to have with your soup – actually they may not want it back after.

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