Bah. Fuck it.

The reason I hate Christmas so much is that I'm forced to spend an inordinate amount of time with my family. None of us particularly like each other or get on. There aren't even cliques. Just constant opposition. But what I hate the most is the little niggly comments that make me want to hang myself. Seriously. I am sick to death of this shit.

"You've lost weight. You just need lose some more."
"You'd lost weight but now you've put it back on."
"You're fat."

Also copious amounts of advice is given to you. On what you should do next. How you should go about it. Why don't you do this or this or this?

Why don't YOU...

I never get any support from these people. I mean yeah they want me to do well which is nice and I get that but yesterday I got home and was telling them about this woman who literally yelled in my face at work. No one gives a shit. Well this is an improvement on the usual response which is to have my mum and my aunts turn it round so it's my fault.

"This guy tried to run me over."
"Well were you crossing the road properly?"
"I was at a Zebra crossing."

That is the most recent example of a string of these happening. But it is this that pisses me off to whole new levels of rage.

Well that and this idea that everyone in the world is smarter, better looking and more successful than me. And they have nicer teeth than I do.

And I think this is one of the reasons that I'm mean. Well I've been told I'm mean. I have no tolerance of people. Yet I am just as intolerable. To be completely inert is the only was to my personal nirvana. I don't want to effect anyone and I really don't want to be effected by people.

I don't think that even comes in the form of death. It's not that I want to die, sometimes I wish I was wiped of the face of the planet. No trace of existence.

I used to think that with all relationships distance makes the heart grow fonder.

But I don't think that is the case. We simply have a rose tinted photograph of whoever we miss. All the wonderful things that make us miss them. But this really isn't a true representation of them.

We are born alone and die alone. I should just get used to my own company and learn to handle these doses of reality better. Cause people don't change.