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LDN, United Kingdom
I am Shaz. It's hard work. But someone's gotta do it. I am a part time freak and full time retard. I also do some casual work as a skank and I volunteer as your mother. NICE TO MEET YOU! Welcome to the biggest rant factory in the history of the internet. I've got more apathy than the entire emo population of the world combined. Only kidding. I'm real nice

Thursday, 27 December 2012

What is it about that time?

Of the month I mean. When I complain about it to other women I get one of two reactions.

"Oh that sucks yeah mine's a pain too."


The latter are the ones that make you want to run head first into a wall. Why must pain be a competition. Besides. My physical pain isn't that bad - apart from today, I told someone the other day that I don't really get cramps as such and I sweat to you Mother Nature was listening and is currently exactly her "O RLY" style revenge on my tummy. That whore.

The real pain is how hormonal I am. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. Which causes a hormonal imbalance. Which causes me to be a emotional train wreck when Mother Bitchface calls.

Any other time of the month if someone were to call me a bitch I'd be like.

"YEAH. WHATEVER." (I'm thinking the kind of whatever you'd find in the song 'My United States of Whatever')

But today. I cried. Not for like 30 seconds of anything I mean for like the best part of a half hour. I mean who fucking cares? Okay the person who called me a bitch is someone I didn't expect to call me a bitch. So maybe that made it worse. Something that would usually anger me just made me cry. It's all I seem to do.

What is wrong with me?

I get ridiculously angry too. I mean. For any spastic reason. I've smashed plates. Punched walls. Screamed at people. I mean literally screeching.

And then when I get angry I cry. So you're mixing those two shitty things up.

But the worst is the self hate. I mean I'm not my biggest fan most of the time. But when I'm on, I literally hate myself. I hate how fat I am. I feel like I look good in nothing. I feel like I can't do anything. I feel like a complete idiot. Like so stupid I can't do my work. I sit there thinking to myself "How are you in your third year of uni when you can't even write a coherent essay? How did I even make it into university?"

Why can't this go away? Why must I endure this humiliating shame once a month? The emotionally unstable bitch. Yeah. Bitch. I said it. I guess that's what I am.

Apparently not just at this time of month. Apparently I'm also mean. Which I am. But I'm also sweet. But sweet never gets anyone anywhere. Because no one appreciates sweet. I do. But so what. I don't get it now. I never have. I never will.

I was promised a box of chocolates tomorrow. I bet you a box of chocolates that I don't get them. Well I will. If I lose. And if I win I won't buy you any. Because they're right. I'm not a nice person. And I don't care. I won't be nice to people and that will be the end of it. I just don't give a fucking shit about being nice. Why should I be? I never get the same treatment back. karma doesn't exist. You're either shat on by the universe or not.

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